Photo by Bruno Gomiero on Unsplash
 

If you head over to Urban Dictionary and look up the term “fuckboy,” you’ll find definitions like:

“The guy who will tell you “you’re not like the other girls” like that’s a compliment because he doesn’t have any respect for them.”

“The guy who sends unrequested dick pics with no context to women he’s barely spoken to.”

“A boy who is a player and is only in a relationship for sex.”

“A boy who plays with girls feelings.”

I think you get the point. This kind of guy isn’t into an actual relationship — hell, he’s probably not even that into the girl he’s with. A fuckboy is into what he can get out of the relationship, most likely being sex.

I’m here to say that this way of dating if that’s what you would even call it, goes both ways. Though not as blatantly obvious and, as a woman, it can be hard not to want to smite the whole male gender — women are guilty of this kind of behavior too.

Being a sugar baby (in some cases). Dating the “nice” guy just because he’s nice. Stringing a guy along because of skills in bed. Stringing a guy along just because he makes you feel wanted. Playing games because you love the thrill. All of these are examples of using another person for one’s own needs and not taking the other person’s feelings into account.

Recently, I watched one of those border-line cheesy inspirational videos on Facebook. This man was poetically preaching about how people that are in our lives, who only take and never try to give, are poisonous to our own well-being. I sat there thinking about the men that came and went in my life. Then I paused and reflected inward; had I ever acted that way with someone I was dating? While we all would like to think that we’re the good guys, maybe that’s not the case.

I write this article not because I want to shame; I genuinely believe that some people might not be aware of how they’re acting. I also think that more people should take into account the implications of their actions. There also might be the people that relate to this article and don’t give a fuck. I guess that will be the true fuckgirls.

So let’s get this list rollin’ and discuss ways to tell if you might be a fuckgirl.


Using sex to get what you want

I live in Los Angeles; I’ve heard about this happening numerous times. Whether it be for gifts, being sent on travels, getting ahead in a particular field, or simply wanting a person to dote on you, I don’t stand by the idea of sex being used as a power tool.

Unless you both know what’s up on why you’re sleeping together, playing with someone’s emotions to get what you want is a selfish act.

Your crushes don’t last long

Do you find yourself falling for someone quick and hard, only to move on to the next scrumptious man that walks into your line of sight?

By all means, date around. Finding out what kind of person works well with who you are is a rewarding process. But if you can’t keep interest for a guy longer than a couple of weeks, that may be something to look into.

You Zombie

I absolutely love this term just because of the image it invokes.

In case you haven’t heard the dating term “zombie” before, let me explain it.

It’s much like “ghosting,” where you just stop talking to the person without an explanation, but instead, you reappear months later out of nowhere, trying to re-enter that person’s life.

Essentially, you come back from the dead, where you should’ve stayed. Unless you have a stalker on your hands, ghosting is not ok in my books. Trying to come back into someone’s life after they’ve made an effort to move on is a bit cruel.

Acting like this seems indicative of manipulation of selfishness. Either way, it’s not cool.

The Idea of Non-sexual intimacy makes you cringe

Does the idea of cuddling, snuggling, or holding hands make you want to crawl out of your skin?

Not wanting non-sexual intimacy with someone could be a sign you’re just not that into them. If that’s the case, why are you spending your time with the other person? Think about that.

You wouldn’t help the other person if they were sick

If you’re with someone but only spend time with them to have fun, in or out of bed, then do you really care about them? Let’s say they got the flu. Would you head over to their place to take care of them?

Selfishness includes not being there for someone when they need you. This is a great question to ask yourself if you’re concerned you may act in a fuckgirl manner.

You would never introduce them to your friends

A partner is someone you journey through life with. You’re excited to bring them along and introduce them to the people that are most important to you. 
On the other hand, if you are embarrassed by them or only hang out alone, then you may be using them for purposes other than wanting to be with them.


I don’t want to get into a feminist angle here — all I care about is the idea of being a good person and considering other people’s feelings.

I’ve had my fair share of experiences with fuckboys; it hurts to be on the receiving end of someone’s shitty actions.

Just know that it’s not only your emotions at stake.